& What You Did To Me I , I Can't Take Any More

I'll take these bad dreams and I'll lay them at the shore...

I didn't want to write about this in here. But then I thought about. What the hell? It's my blog and who the hell reads this anyway?

Brianne called me the other day telling me that she probably wouldn't make it my shower due to her sister's graduation ceremony. Okay.

1. She doesn't even know the time and is already telling me this. Why?
2. She is my MAID OF HONOR and made a commitment to me.
   
3. Christina, my matron of honor, already cannot come and would give ANYTHING to be there. I'm going to look like a fool.
4. Brianne kept tell me how hurt her sister would be if she wasn't there. Did she not think I would be hurt as well?
5. Honestly, looking back on it..walking at graduation wasn't a big deal. I'm not asking her to forget the entire day with her family or spend the whole day with me.
6. She really has not helped at all..with anything.
   

I don't have a sister, so I don't know how this all works. So I called Emily to see how she felt about the subject. She saw both sides, but felt that since Christina couldn't be there, Brianne definitely should be. I feel that if I made a commitment to be a maid of honor (I have), I would be there, especially for Brianne.

I guess it just hurts. I don't even know what to feel, let alone what to say.

lskjdflsdkjf;lskdjflskdjfslkfsdlfkj!!!!!!

And It's Just The Past & Me...

I guess I haven't been keeping up on this, have I? I need to so that when the year is over, I'll read it and smile. Or when I'm 25, 26, Hell..36, I'll laugh. I'm reading my journal from when I was 16 and I seriously cannot laughing. What the hell was wrong with me? This just goes to show that 16 year olds who think they are in love are completely stupid.

Oh wait..this one is actually kind of sad. It's about Christina. When we lost us. It weird to think that we were ever like that. Back then, it was strange to think that we would ever be here. And for awhile I didn't know why it had to happen (I do now). I can't imagine us ever being apart again. I don't think we would survive. Is that a little too dramatic? Maybe. But I heard a quote in a movie "It's like that fathom limb syndrome. It's gone, but you still feel like it's there, and it hurts." Yeah, I am being corny or dramatic, but I know us.

And there's Kelli. My best friend from high school. I guess I should use the words "best" and "friend" lightly. We weren't exactly Webster's definition, but God, did we have fun. After high school and I went off to CMU, I hardly saw her. She got into some trouble and while I wanted to help, she had pushed me too far in high school and I was just too sick and grown up by the time she called me in college. I miss the fun we had though.

Oh God Jason. Really Jenna..some hick from Ohio? With a daughter named Harley? What were you thinking? I have no words..except that it's incredibly embarrassing.

And of course your Andy. The "one you were so in love with. Who was the reason for your soul's existence, and why your heart beats." (gag) Oh, the trip he would take you on. You didn't even know.

Actually the trip LIFE take you on. I wonder where else it's gonna take me in the matter of 7 years..

Welcome To The Future

Time to write. I haven't been writing enough. I started this so that I could remember. That's why I write blogs and that's why I treasure my old online journals; They give me a peak into my past. My resolution (is it too late to make those?) is to write. It's not always going to be interesting but 1,2,5 years from now, I'll read this and smile. The same way I do with my other old ones.

I NEED a J.O.B. Ugh. I am so sick of looking. And applying. I feel like a failure. I KNOW it's bad out there. I KNOW the economy sucks. I KNOW I picked the most BS major and degree ever. But all I want is to get a job so that I can make some money and feel like I am contributing to well, I guess I should say society, but more to Keith and my future. I hate sitting around all damn day doing nothing. I hate the fact that I am going to have to go back to school even more. If it comes down to it though, that's what I'm going to have to do. I refuse to sit on my ass, being lazy.

Why aren't I smart enough to be a doctor?